Premodifiers can be confusing
In an attempt to fit as much information as possible into a small space, a writer may use too many modifiers before a noun.
A sentence can be difficult to read when its topic is expressed in a dense string of descriptive words:
The recently discovered long-haired brown coastal pygmy possum lives in Victorian forests.
The survey found the most popular online colour analysis graphic design tool.
Premodifiers can also be confusing when:
- it is not clear how the modifiers go together
… genetically modified insect-resistant early-ripening sweet corn
[Does this mean early-ripening sweet corn that has been genetically modified to be resistant to insect pests, or insect-resistant sweet corn that has been genetically modified to ripen early, or even early-ripening sweet corn that is resistant to genetically modified insects?]
- each modifier is itself a phrase
Rewrite for clarity
Text can be clearer:
- if lengthy adjectival strings are rewritten so that the modifiers are distributed before and after the noun to which they refer
The recently discovered long-haired brown coastal pygmy possum lives in Victorian forests.
becomes
The long-haired brown pygmy possum has recently been discovered in Victorian forests.
The survey found the most popular online colour analysis graphic design tool.
becomes
The survey found the most popular graphic design tool for online colour analysis.
… provide high levels of low-cost passive noise protection
becomes
… provide high levels of passive protection from noise at low cost
- when phrases are replaced with shorter phrases or single words
… provide high levels of low-cost passive noise protection
can be clearer when written as
… provide cheap, effective passive noise protection
[we replace low-cost with cheap and high levels of with effective]
In some cases, the whole sentence needs restructuring to ensure that the meaning is clear. Do not make the reader wait to the end to find out the topic of the sentence:
Comprehensive, efficient, cost-effective and practical risk assessment and risk management strategies are required in food processing.
becomes
Food processing requires risk assessment and risk management strategies that are comprehensive, efficient, cost-effective and practical.
When rewriting sentences containing excessively premodified nouns, the revision may be longer than the original. Two sentences may be needed to make the meaning clear:
A nationwide, comprehensive, industry and government-funded surveillance program for avian influenza viruses in wild birds will be established.
becomes
A surveillance program for avian influenza viruses in wild birds will be established. Industry and government will fund this nationwide, comprehensive program.
The important thing is to make clear early in the sentence what is being modified by the adjectives:
The program covers pesticide, water, soil and nutrient, vegetation, fuel, waste and energy conservation management.
becomes
The program covers the management of pesticides, water, soil and nutrients, vegetation, fuel, waste and energy conservation.